You're Never A Burden
by VoringPhan
Summary: Dan has a nightmare so he crawls into Phil's bed while sobbing. Phil calms him, then they make out and fall asleep


It was one of the rare occasions that Dan and Phil weren't asleep in the same bed. But Dan had been enduring his sensory overload all day and needed some alone time. He had been having a hard time with his mental state recently and had been going through some post-holiday depression on top of his usual bouts of anxiety.

Those few weeks, Phil had often woken up at three in the morning to see a light still shining from Dan's room and the next day he would find Dan asleep at twelve in the afternoon, still in his signature browsing position. While this wasn't unusual, it still worried Phil. Especially considering Dan was rapidly losing weight and getting more jumpy and anxious than usual.

Once again, it was three in the morning and Dan had only just decided to make a probably fruitless attempt at sleep. He packed away his laptop, brushed his teeth and clambered clumsily into bed. As he pulled back his covers, he found his hands shaking slightly. He dismissed this as it had been happening every night for the past week. He knew that when he fell asleep, all anxiety would go away. Unless he had another nightmare.

The young man pulled the blankets tightly around himself and cuddled his pillow in an attempt to sooth himself and slowly drifted off to a fitful sleep.

In another room, Phil had noticed the turning off of Dan's lights that he waited for every night. Just to make sure Dan actually goes to sleep. Then, he switched off his own light and easily slipped into dreams.

Five in the morning is usually a peaceful time. Most creatures are fast asleep, but the birds chirp and the insects make their noises, creating a peaceful and harmonious atmosphere.

Five in the morning was when Dan sat bolt upright in bed, adrenaline boiling his blood, hot and cold flashes racing up and down his spine and his face soaked with tears. His heart raced so fast he thought he was dying. He had to be dying. Nothing else but imminent death could cause such intense symptoms. His entire body was wracked with terror and shaking.

One thought raced through his head. Phil. He had to get to Phil. Phil would know what to do. Phil would help him. Phil always helped him. But Phil was in another room. A room that was just a few steps away, but each step felt like it would take a galaxy of effort to the panic-stricken Dan. And yet, he forced himself out of bed, stumbling and shaking down the hall, clutching onto the walls for support.

"Phil. Help," Was all he could gasp as he entered his boyfriend's room. Only to find that Phil wasn't in his room. Dan heaved himself onto the bed and covered his face with the older boy's pillow, engulfing himself in the comforting scent, trying to override the fear cascading through him, trying to make the shaking stop.

"Dan? What are you doing here?" A sleepy Phil asked, standing in the doorway.

"Help," Dan groaned.

Phil immediately snapped into protective mode. It had been a mode that was needed often these last few weeks, what with Dan being in his depressive state. Often, Phil had needed to soothe him from breakdowns and panic attacks.

He lowered himself onto the bed next to Dan. "What happened, sweetheart?"

"Woke up… shaking… fear…make it stop…" he whimpered pathetically.

Phil was silent for a moment. "Sounds like a panic attack or night terrors." He concluded.

"Am I dying? I feel like I'm dying."

"You're not dying, darling. You'll be okay. Now let's get you properly into bed and calm you down." With Phil's help, Dan was moved into a more comfortable position on Phil's bed, under the duvet and with both their heads resting on the same pillow.

"What do you feel like you need? Some tea? Want me to read you a story?" Phil asked.

Dan shook his head, looking up at Phil with his tear-reddened eyes. "Please, just talk to me."

Phil felt his heart break for his boyfriend. His tear-stained, anxiety stricken boyfriend who was shaking violently in his arms. "Okay, I'll talk to you. I actually have something I want to say. So, you don't say a word. Just listen to me, okay?" Phil asked.

Dan nodded.

"Alright, love." Phil began to stroke Dan's soft hair and Dan made what was supposed to be a purring noise, but it was distorted by his sobs. "You've been in this slump for a while now," Phil continued, "And I know it's been really hard for you and that you've been going through a lot. And I know you feel like a burden and you're scared I'll leave you. Is that right?"

Dan nodded stiffly, his heart racing faster and his panic increasing. Was this it? Was Phil going to say he couldn't do it anymore, couldn't support Dan anymore?

"And I just want you to know that I love you. For all your anxiety and your depression and your panic attacks and night terrors. I need you in my life, Dan. You do so much for me, you make me so happy. It's a pleasure to look after you. You are never a burden." Phil noticed Dan was nuzzling his chest, his shaking had slowed. "Look at me, Dan." Phil gently lifted Dan's chin so that they were looking into each other's eyes. Dan's eyes no longer held fear, but they held love.

"Dan, you are never a burden." Phil stated, as if it was the only fact that mattered.

"I love you." Whispered Dan.

Phil brought his lips to Dan's softly. "I know."

The younger boy pulled Phil's face to his, deepening the kiss. Phil gladly obliged. Every kiss made Dan feel more needed and less like a burden. Each flick of the tongue and touch of the lips made Dan feel safe and loved. Soon, Dan found himself over Phil, both of them moving in rhythm with each other, soft touches and warm breath softening the morning.

A clock on Phil's wall chimed, displaying the time. 6am.

"Dan," Phil said between kisses, "We better go to sleep. It's late. Or early."

Dan lowered his lips to Phil's in one last slow, gentle kiss, and then lowered himself off him, sinking into the mattress next to his beloved boyfriend. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan gently and Dan rested his head on Phil's chest.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

And they drifted off to a peaceful sleep, their deep breaths falling in sync.


End file.
